Tuesday, July 20, 2010 : }

Dear EDS:
I've so many things to say to you that I think I'm going to exceed this 5 minutes I allocated to the blogpost.
So it's raining outside, and pretty suitable weather to reflect on everything that I've experienced with you in the past 2.5 years.
Fast and Fresh, SYF, LitUp, EDSNight, LitUp.
Performance after performance and practice after practice;
self esteem dropped, happiness plummeted.
Basically, I lost all faith in my drama skills - the ones I'd been so sure of when I selected EDS as my first option without hesitation. I mean, I went to and from practice thinking I sucked at acting (actually you know what I still do). I really, honestly didn't know what to do besides turning up for every session I could to pacify my conscience - hoping that, by being there, I could contribute to EDS even if I didn't have enough projection or emotion to achieve what Mr Ken wanted.
I just gave up.
I went for handover ready to clap and hug and congratulate my peers 'cause I knew they all deserved positions. I really wasn't expecting Priscilla to call my name; least of all for treasurer. If you'd told me at the start of the year that I would be holding the fund and the receipts all the way from '09, I'd have told you there was no way on earth it would happen.
EDS; you brought me from the lowest of the lows to the highest of highs. You gave me faith when I didn't believe in myself. I actually touched someone during the six minutes in the Laselle Cube; I saw how everyone worked together to rush Regina back in time for Centrestage semis. You renewed my self confidence.
And on Sunday, so many of you encouraged me and convinced me that I could do this. That I belonged in Comm; that I did have enough substance for this role - when I didn't and when I thought I couldn't, wouldn't be able to make it. What you guys see in me is miles away from what I thought I was; and I really hope I can live up to that.
I promise you I'll give 100%, 200%. The nine places aren't some trivial little thing. I really will fill those big shoes you've handed me even though I think I really don't deserve them. And I'm so honoured to have fourteen others who promised to help. We were so lost; we didn't know what to do, weren't sure what to do, and you guys just said you'd be there for us. It matters so, so unbelievably much and I really want to share my position with all of you guys.
What I just want to say is; I may have wanted to let go so many times. But the people in it have hung on and prevented me from falling into the crevices, falling in between the cracks to become part of the backdrop. You made me feel like I belonged, like I was someone whom you liked spending time with; someone who wasn't small and insignificant or unimportant. Candice HuiHsien Regina Janell SarahL Rachel Vicki SarahT HuiPing even JingYu, y'all have made me hold on. You guys have given me so much; erased so much hurt with your faith and encouragement (and GL-ing on JingYu's part).
So it's time for me to give it all back; and I really will.
Thank you so much.

*

I'm not posting the above in smaller letters cause I'm ashamed of it; the small print's to prevent me from reading my thoughts again until after my time in EDS is over. It's just a small reminder; a small portion of my feelings, and right now all I'm gonna do is just work on giving my best for EDS.

CHINGYING; 10:19 PM